amortizing
I am afraid. Of simple things like spiders, needles and snakes. I can avoid these things though. I’m also afraid of sadness, the unknown and tomorrow. I can’t avoid this. I’m afraid that I’ll never be satisfied, never be happy, I’m afraid that I’m too weak to succeed, that I’m never going to achieve anything substantial. I’m afraid that I’ll live too long, or die too young. That I’ll never fall in love, that I’ll never see my children grow. I’m afraid that I won’t have a job that makes me happy, I won’t ever wake up with a smile. I’m afraid that I’ll hold on to people that have left, and that I’ll be forgotten by people who try to stay. That I’ll never be pretty enough, or I’ll be discriminated. That I won’t have the will to fight what’s wrong, that I’ll always be a bystander. I’m so afraid of myself too. I’m afraid that I’ll make myself feel ugly, that I’ll continue to be cruel to myself. I’m afraid that I’ll keep making myself this fearful, that I’ll be the one who ultimately stops me from achieving anything. I am so afraid. Yet I’ll keep pretending I’m not at all.
Fears of a Suburban Teen (via actuates)